There’s something about being on vacation that makes all propriety (not to mention good taste and common sense) go out the window. We all do it – overindulge, do crazy things, and generally behave like kids at recess – before going back to our ho-hum daily lives. Here are some of the things you would ONLY do on holiday.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Shop in your Speedos
Somehow holidays make being fully-dressed feel unnatural. So you drop into the supermarket after lounging by the pool to grab a few more packets of Lays and some jamon serrano – who cares if you’re only wearing skimpy trunks and flip-flops??
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Sunbathe Topless!
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Become a Petty Thief
At home you would never even steal a pencil from Ikea, but there’s something about a hotel room’s shower gel, tea bags and towels that transform you into a thief. Even though you need at least three for one standard shower, you haven’t properly checked out until your inside bag pocket is bulging with stolen shampoo bottles.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Plan to Start Reading
You haven’t even read a copy of Heat cover-to-cover in ten years, however you promise yourself that this will be the holiday you really ‘get into reading’. You will have definitely completed War and Peace, 50 Shades of Grey and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy by day three. In reality, the only satisfying literary experience you’ll have is leaving your unread books in the hotel room.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Take Unnecessary Risks
That carefree, holiday feeling can often lead you astray. Whilst jumping fifty feet off a cliff into the sea at home would be unthinkable, on holiday you magically morph into the love-child of Bear Grylls and Ray Mears, driving into oncoming traffic on your rickety scooter with a wobbly tyre, rented from ‘Pedro’s Quality Mopeds’.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Watch local TV
Having a TV in your bedroom at home seems passe, but the second you set foot in a hotel room, the remote is your best friend. By the time you have to check out, you’ve become a die-hard fan of every local soap and can’t leave without finding out — did Rosa ever take Julio back??
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Drink Before Noon
This noble British tradition begins with the time-honoured, ‘cheeky pint‘ at the airport before your 6am flight. Before you know it, you’re sipping champagne at the breakfast bar and are on your fourth cocktail of the day before lunch.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Debate Where to Eat
Back home, you are united in selecting a dining destination. Whether a mid-week Nando’s or Saturday night curry, the choice is always obvious. Away from this culinary comfort however, fractions appear — Mandy thinks the seafood looks dodgy, but Andy is dying to try local marinated octopus. Cary fancies the exotic waiter, Gary just wants a fry-up!
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Wear a Hat
Unless you’re balding or 16 years old, chances are you haven’t worn a hat in years. Or since your last vacation.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Wear a Vest
At home you wouldn’t even nip to the corner shop for a pint of milk in a sleeveless vest, but on holiday you rarely wear anything else. Of course, you save your ‘Welcome to the Gun Show’ singlet for special occasions only. And the breakfast buffet. And the beach. Ok, every day since you arrived.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Make ‘Friends for Life’
Ever since you first heard Mike’s familiar accent from the other side of the pool, you knew you shared a bond. Two hours later, your kids are best friends, you’ve swapped numbers, and are planning a reunion meal back home that will definitely never happen.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Buy a Tourist Tat
What is it about being on holiday that makes us consider purchasing the kind of cheap souvenirs and tacky jewellery we’d pass by in a jumble sale? You may LOVE that neon friendship bracelet/dolphin glitter-globe/Mallorca fridge magnet now, but deep down you know it is ultimately destined for the bin.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Become Territorial Over Sunbeds
Possession is nine tenths of the law. Make sure you keep your lounge chair by piling everything you own on top of it. Grab and save a couple extra, just in case.
You Know You Are On Holiday if: You Play Crazy Golf
If you suggested a game of miniature golf back home, you’d be ridiculed and known as ‘Golfy Gav’ forever more. On holiday however, just the sight of a crazy golf course and you’ll be putters-at-dawn, no doubt having punch-ups in the mini windmill and committing scorecard sabotage.
Vacation is the time to relax and let go. Don’t worry about appearances. Ditch the diet. Do the cheesy things that are still good fun. Everybody else on holiday will be doing the same.